30 Jul 8 Ways to Help Your Husband Connect with Your Kids
You’re frustrated because your husband won’t help out with the kids. It seems like he’s not connecting with them the way you are. He even calls it baby-sitting when he watches them. Hello! It’s called parenting!
I get your frustration because I’ve been there. Now, my husband connects with our children on a deep level AND God opened up his heart to bring foster children into our home.
Here are 8 things you can do to help your husband fulfill his role as Dad.
Did you know you can listen to this blog post instead of reading it? It’s true! Just click below!
Let Go of the Reins
Frustration comes when things aren’t happening the way you think they should go. But can I suggest that sometimes, our expectations are too lofty?
Don’t set your husband up for failure by expecting perfection from him or trying to control the way he fathers your kiddos.
Control usually has more to do with a fear of what others will think of us. We want to control what others will think of the way our child behave, how they look, or how we look parenting them.
One morning, I asked my husband, Devin, to help me by combing our boys’ hair. He styled their hair, but TBH, it didn’t look good. Or I should say, it didn’t look the way it did when I styled their hair.
So what did I do?
I sent them back to the bathroom to redo what he had done. And ladies, he never offered to style their hair again after I changed it that day.
And whose fault is that? It’s mine.
Why did I care so much about the way their hair looked? They were 3! It was going to get crazy messed up in about 5 minutes anyway.
Honestly, I didn’t care about how their hair looked. I cared what other people would think of me as a mom when they saw their hair that day.
It’s time for us to let go of the reins, not worry so much of what others think of us, and move out of the way to allow God to lead our husbands.
Realize That There are Things Your Husband Can Give Your Children That You Can’t.
I know this sounds harsh, but it’s true.
God didn’t just throw the design of a family together. He had a purpose for it, and He has a purpose for both parents.
There are things your husband can give your kids that you cannot.
Kids need a mom…and a dad.
Start early by letting your husband hold your baby. Many mothers will try to swoop in and snatch the baby up when the little one is crying, but this will make your husband feel like he is incapable of nurturing.
Your baby needs to be held by his/her dad, too. Let him pick up the baby, and make sure that you don’t stand over his shoulder correcting what he does. You, as a mom, wouldn’t appreciate that, either.
*Bonus* Have you heard of Focus on the Family‘s Adventures in Odyssey series? There is a whole album that talks about the importance of family and how it can get out of wack. It’s sure to minister to you and your children.
Let Him Teach Them Something.
I remember the first time I saw my brother changing a tire. Confused, I asked him how he learned that. I didn’t know how to change one! He said our dad had taught him, and I now realize how important that is.
When your husband teaches your children something, it allows them to bond together, and it enriches your child’s knowledge and skill set.
My family has been working on installing a pool. When my husband goes outside to work on it, my boys go with him. Not only has it helped them grow closer to their daddy, but they also enjoy the pool even more because they know they helped with it.
Curb Your Tongue
Watch the way you speak about your husband to others, especially your kids.
Saying negative things about your husband will damage the relationship between your children and him. Even if you are frustrated or upset, do not let yourself talk badly about him.
When my husband has to work late, I find it frustrating. Instead of complaining about how late he is, though, I use the opportunity to point out to my boys that their dad works hard because he loves them.
I want my boys to know that I love their father very much and he is a great role model for them.
Watch the way you speak to him in front of the kids, too. If you want your marriage to be healthy, be careful how you speak to him period.
If you speak to your husband with an attitude, your children will develop an attitude against him as well. This will only separate them further.
If you’re having trouble in your marriage, you can talk to a neutral party. Make sure you aren’t going to a friend who is on your side, but instead one who is on your marriage’s side.
Let your husband play with your kids, even if it gets them wound up.
The perfect example comes from last night. My husband was pretending to be a horse so my boys and foster kids could climb on his back. It was near bed, and it was getting them all riled up.
I could have scolded him for getting them wound up before bed, but why would I discourage their bonding?
As I watched them laugh and play together, I realized that this is a great memory for them to have of their dad.
Encourage Him as the Spiritual Leader of Your Home
Let your husband read the Bible to them.
My children get so excited when their dad offers to read the Bible to them. They turn off all the lights and use a head lamp to dive into God’s Word.
Sometimes, I want to join them, but I know that time alone with their dad is important.
If you say, “But, Ashley, my husband isn’t the spiritual leader of our home,” I want you to remember this: He can’t fill a position that you are currently sitting in.
Your husband isn’t going to show initiative in the spiritual life of your family if you are already controlling all of it.
Maybe your husband feels insecure about leading spiritually. To help him, you can start the habit and then hand it over to him.
Pray for Him
The importance of praying for your husband cannot be overstated. Even if your husband has no desire to grow closer to your children, prayer can change his heart.
Remember when Jonah preached to Nineveh and the whole city had a heart change?
That was the power of God. If He can change the hearts of entire cities, He can change your husbands heart, too.
Praying for your husband can help protect your mind as well. If you pray for your husband when you’re frustrated, it will bring peace to your thoughts.
When you’re praying for your husband, it also makes it easier to give him grace. He isn’t going to be perfect, and he will need you to forgive him. Praying for him will make this so much easier.
Step Out of the Way
Sometimes, you just have to stop being a barrier between your husband and your kids.
We own farming land and machinery. When my boys were really young, my husband would often want to take them for rides on the machinery.
This made me a little nervous, and I had the opportunity to step between them and say I didn’t want my boys to go. This would have prevented them from bonding, though, and that wouldn’t have been worth it.
Make sure you aren’t standing in the way of your husband’s relationship with your children.
Want to Help Your Family Even More?
If you want to help your family stay connected and grow closer to God, you have to make sure that you are in a good place.
That is why I created ‘Mom Faith’.
This is a self-paced course to help you build your faith in the midst of motherhood. I’ll teach you how to get quiet time in a house full of kids, lead your children in Bible study with confidence, let go of expectations, and so much more!
Sign up HERE today to get started on filling your cup up so you can pour into your family.