24 Jul How to Raise Confident Kids
When I think about being a good mom, one of my biggest goals is to raise confident kids. I want to teach my children is how to be confident. I want to raise them to be confident kids so that whenever they grow, they can be confident teenagers and ultimately confident adults.
Do you have a pile of laundry to do? Listen to this post while you’re folding!
Once you have the kind of God confidence that only He can give, it just changes the way that you live.
There is a freedom when you live in confidence that I want to pass down to my children. I want them to be able to walk in the truth of where their worth comes from.
God-confidence is about who you are inside and we can begin to teach our kids that at a very young age how to live that well.
So let’s dive right in!
Be clear about where their worth comes from.
The first place to start when you want to raise confident kids is to be very clear about where their worth comes from. Parents are prone to say, “I’m so proud of you” only when our children are doing something well.
Once I started living in confidence myself and living in the knowledge of where my confidence came from, I started changing the way that I spoke to my children
I started telling my children, “I’m proud of you because of who you are. I’m proud of you because you’re mine.” Because truly that’s where their worth comes from. It comes from knowing who they are in Christ.
It comes from knowing that they belong to Him, that they are His children, and so if you want to raise confident kids, the first thing that you need to do is be very clear about where their worth comes from.
Lead by Example
Teach your children how to live with confidence by your example.
Insecurity was one thing I always struggled with when my kids were small. I was always insecure and thinking about my worth based on what someone said or what someone didn’t say.
Because of that, my confidence was always wavering and it was really just dependent on a foundation that wasn’t secure. Once I started building my confidence on the secure foundation of Christ, it became much easier to teach my kids by example.
Why? Because I’m not always chasing after the next big thing. I’m not chasing after dollar bills. I’m not chasing after a number on a scale.
I’m chasing after Jesus and when you do the same, your kids see that.
When they see that you’re chasing after the One who’s already paid the ultimate price for you, they want to do the same thing. They see a mom and a dad that are secure. They see a mom who is walking in the confidence that can only come from Christ and they stop looking to the world to grow their confidence.
When your children see you walking in God-confidence, they stop looking to their friends to help them fit in. Or they stop looking to different toys, or abilities, or a car or whatever the world thinks will bring confidence. They’ll be able feel confident and secure from the get go because they’ve seen you do the same thing.
Renew Their Minds with God’s Word
The next step to raising confident kids is to renew their minds with God’s word.
If the only time that your child is getting God’s word in their heart is whenever they’re in Sunday school or whenever you go to church, that is not enough.
I’m just going to tell you right now, it’s not enough. Your children need time with the Lord just like you do.
If I’m not spending time in God’s Word, I can feel it. I know that I’m not connected with Him and our kids are the same way.
There’s not a certain age that you have to be in order to need God’s word everyday. Our kids need to have God’s Word in their lives every single day.
Now, don’t call me crazy. That doesn’t mean that you have to be spending hours a day having them read their Bibles or memorizing the entire chapter of a book in the Bible. All you have to do is spend a little time with them being intentional about putting God’s word in their hearts.
My family does this on the way to school in the mornings, it’s an eight minute drive to school, and during that eight minutes we are spending time in God’s word.
We’re memorizing verses.
We’re learning how to apply those verses to our lives and that’s the kicker. Because it’s not just being able to spout off a bunch of verses, but it’s about teaching your kids how to apply God’s word to their lives. That’s the important aspect that we sometimes miss.
Sure, they might memorize the verse that says “be kind and compassionate to each other” and they might be able to spout that off, but if they don’t know how to be kind to people in daily situations, what’s the benefit of knowing that verse?
The point of memorizing verses is to put that in their hearts so that when they need God’s word, they can draw strength from what they have learned and ACT on it.
Next up, allow your kids to try new things.
Let your kids try a variety of things. Let them try their hand in different things and then keep those lines of communication open so that if they don’t enjoy certain activities or if they’re in an activity that doesn’t cater to their strengths, let them tell you that.
Instead of just putting your own expectations on your kids, make sure that you’re listening to them and hearing the things that they are enjoying.
Find out the things that they feel they are competent in and to be honest, that goes back to that second step when you are confident yourself.
Sometimes… I’m just going to say it: Sometimes, we put our expectations on our kids because we think if they are great in a certain area, then that comes back on us and that makes us look good.
And if they don’t…then it makes us look like we’re not great parents. And whenever you put your confidence in Christ, you draw confidence in raising your kids God’s way.
So don’t under-estimate the importance of walking in God confidence, because when you do you’re going to start to parent differently. You let go of those expectations on your kids, and instead guide them out of love, not insecurity.
And that ties in perfect with the next step. As you let your children try new things, let them know that it’s okay to fail.
Let them know it’s okay to fail.
That’s something that my husband and I have worked really hard to teach our boys that it’s okay if the first time that you try something, you’re not very good at it.
It’s okay if the 10th time that you try something that you’re not very good at it.
Children have different strengths and weaknesses. We’re all part of the body of Christ and we all have different skill sets and different strengths, and it’s okay to not be good at everything.
Whenever you give your kids that permission to fail, they begin to realize, “My confidence doesn’t come from my performance. My confidence doesn’t come from the achievements that I’ve made, but it comes because I’m your child. It comes because I’m God’s child and that’s why you’re proud of me.”
Teach them how to problem solve.
Whenever I am working with my kids and they’re trying new things I avoid the instinct to jump in and do things for them. I want to teach them how to problem solve.
This is where the rubber hits the road. You want your children to practice being confident even if they don’t get something right the first time.
As they do this, this is the mindset that emerges. Your child starts to think:
- I may not have figured this out first, but I think this was the problem.
- I can fix this and keep getting better.
- I can work hard and change the problem. I can find a better solution.
Your child is confident enough in their worth in Christ to say, “I’m a work in progress and I don’t have to do everything perfect.”
See, that’s the struggle that I think we have some times in the world. The world tells us that in order to be confident, we have to already have achieved all these things.
We have to have the big house, we have to have the nice car, we have to have the healthy bank account.
The world says we have to have all these things and then we’ll be confident, but that is not what God’s word says.
God’s word says that you’re a work in progress and that you can be confident knowing that the One who started a good work in you is faithful to complete that good work.”
I’m clear with my own faults and progress. I want them to know that even though I don’t have it all figured out right now, I can choose to be a work in progress and I can be confident in the fact that I’m going to figure this out and it’s okay to be a work in progress.
That’s something that I really work to teach my children because I want them to know I’m not perfect and confidence doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from listening to the Lord. It comes from knowing Him and knowing who you are in Him.
Be Specific with Your Praise
The last tip that I want to give about raising confident children is to make your praise very specific.
This is something that I started doing once my kids were a little bit older, but I wish that I had started right away.
I used to tell my kids, “wow, great job” or “that was great!”
Now if they give me a Lego creation that they’ve made, I want to be specific about what I like about it. I want to be intentional about how I praise them.
Why? Because after a while, if we overuse these same general terms like “good job” or “great” or “that was amazing,” they aren’t as special anymore because we’ve used them over and over.
Those phrases end up not meaning anything at all.
So if you’re giving really general praises and accolades to your kids, consider the fact that every single time you use the same set of words, they ended up meaning less and less.
So why do I do now? Now if my kids give me a lego creation that they’ve made, I might say, “wow, that I bet that took a long time!” Or “Show me how this works.” This opens up an opportunity to create conversation with your kids and shows them that you really care.
Whenever we show an interest in what they’re doing, whenever we ask questions, that’s a way that they build their confidence. That’s the way that they see, “hey, my mom cares about me.” And “she wants to see me grow.” They start thinking, “She wants to see what I’ve done.”
When we get specific in our praise, we’re more present and we set our children up for success, we set them up to be confident later in life because they see what they have inside.
They see that it’s not all about what they’ve done or what they’ve accomplished, but it’s about who they are. Mama, it all comes back to being mindful and being intentional about showing them who they are in Christ.
Because I know as an adult I need that reminder all the time, so I want to make sure that I do that with my kids.
I want to make sure that I’m clear to them about where their worth comes from.
A Resource for Your Kids
If you want to raise confident kids, then I want to tell you about a resource that I created for my kids and it ended up blessing them so much and helping them so much that I made it available to all of you.
It is called Hidden in my Heart. What it is is it’s 52 verses that are kid base their kid appropriate and not only do you have the verse, but I also break down how your kids can apply it to their everyday lives.
This can be done in eight minutes a day. I know because that’s how long it takes for me to take my kids to school.
My kids have learned over three dozen versus at this point and they’re six years old right now.
They have learned how to keep God’s word in their heart, but also how to apply it to their lives. So it’s not just learning that about who God is, but it’s about applying that to their lives and how that affects them every day.
A Resource for Moms
Another resource that I wanted to tell you about was the Walking in Confidence devotional that I created. One of the biggest tools that you can give your kids is a mom that is confident.
As you are growing in Christ to yourself, as you are learning how to walk in His confidence and you are discovering your worth, that will automatically ripple out to your kids.
It’s just naturally going to flow to them. The biggest blessing you can give them is a mom who’s confident and who is modeling that confidence. This is a 21 day devotion.
There are audios, there’s a workbook that you can print and use, and I have already heard some great reviews about how it has helped women to experience who they are in Christ.
There is something beautiful about a woman who knows who she is in Christ and isn’t afraid to show that. Whenever we base our competence on ourselves, we are going to fail. That’s just how we are. We’re all human.
We all fall and if we set our confidence on ourselves, it’s just going to fail whenever we do, which is inevitable.
BUT if you base your confidence on the truth of God’s word and on the truth that never changes, that foundation that will never be shaken.
Then you can walk in confidence without living like your riding a roller coaster. You know what I mean. Starting the day feeling great and then not feeling good enough because of something someone said to you and back and forth on a ride that doesn’t seem to end. And sadly that ripples out to your kids, too.
Whenever you’re not confident, they see that and that’s going to just naturally be what they think is normal, so the best thing that you can do is to be confident yourself in who God says that you are and Walking in Confidence will help you do that, so make sure if that’s something that you’re interested in, that you check it out and I’ll talk to you soon!