Words of Grace Your Child Wants to Hear | Ashley Varner
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Words of Grace Your Child Wants to Hear | AshleyVarner.com

Words of Grace Your Child Wants to Hear

Your children will absorb every word you say.

The other day, I reminded my mom about something she told me when I was younger and she couldn’t even remember saying it!

It was something so wise and insightful that I’ve lived by it and kept it in my mind, and she doesn’t even remember saying it!

Think about your childhood. What was one thing you remember your mom or dad say? Chances are they don’t remember it as vividly as you.

When I considered this truth, I realized that everything that comes out of my mouth has the possibility to be ingrained on my children for decades to come.

That doesn’t mean that we’re at a loss if a word ever comes out of our mouths that we don’t mean to (because TBH it’s gonna happen). But what it does mean is that we need to watch our tongues now more than ever!

And I’m not just taking about bad language.

Would you rather listen to this post? Then click below to hear it on the podcast!

Choose Words that Lift Up Your Child

Proverbs 15:4 says, “Gentle words bring life and health…”

If you want to bring life to your children (and I know you do!), then the place to start is with your words. So today, I’m sharing 6 words of grace that your child wants to hear!

I’m sorry.

I remember the first time I snapped at my child for something that wasn’t his fault.

I don’t remember why I was so frustrated or what I really upset at, but I remember how I responded when he asked me for something.

A few minutes later, I went to him, got on my knee and apologized.

And since that time, I’ve apologized several times when I’m been in the wrong.

Genuinely saying “I’m sorry” and admitting wholeheartedly when you’ve made a mistake will speak volumes to your child. They’ll begin to understand that the appropriate response to wrongdoing (and ultimately sin) is remorse and repentance.

Word Your Child Wants to Hear | #wordsyouchildwantstohear #christianmom #thegracefullife

And really, accepting the truth of the gospel begins with saying, “I’m sorry.” Admitting when you’ve done wrong and repenting is how we can begin to accept God’s grace.

Model this for your children and be quick to repent when you’ve done something wrong.

I’m so glad you’re mine.

When my oldest was about three, I sat him in my lap and said, “Lincoln, did you know that before you were born, I wasn’t a mama.” His little eyes got wide in disbelief and I told him, “You made me a mama.”

Tell your kids OFTEN, “I’m so glad you’re mine.” Do you know what they’ll hear? They’ll hear: “You’re valuable not because of what you do but because of whose you are.”

They’ll know that it’s not what they do that makes you love them, but you love them simply because they belong to you.

Word Your Child Wants to Hear | #wordsyouchildwantstohear #christianmom #thegracefullife

There is nothing that is so close to the gospel as that. Jesus loved us, before we ever knew Him, before we could ever give Him anything, He loved us. Why? Because we’re His.

We can start to share this truth with our children but speaking out these special words.

I want to spend time with you.

Every child wants one on one time with their parents.

Period.

They want to know that you want to spend time with them. That you like being around them.

I try to tell my boys often that I love them AND I like them.

Our family has been going through a transition lately, and I felt in my heart that I needed some extra one-on-one time with each of my boys. So one day, without warning, I pulled one of them out of school.

We went to a local coffee shop that I knew had a chess board, because he loves playing chess (…yes a seven-year-old who loves chess). I let him order a smoothie and we just spent about 45 minutes playing chess and talking.

I’m not saying you have to pull a child from school, but find a way to connect with each child and make memories, just the two of you. Sometimes my husband and I will each take a kid out to be with them.

With your words and with your actions, say, “I want to spend time with you.”

I don’t know, let’s find out…

As a mom, your kids are going to ask you questions that you don’t know the answers to.

I used to think that if I didn’t know something I should do my best to make it seem like I did.

But here’s the thing: we are raising adults. And don’t you want your child to grow up knowing how to find the answers to things they don’t know?

Word Your Child Wants to Hear | #wordsyouchildwantstohear #christianmom #thegracefullife

So don’t attempt to know everything. Don’t make up an answer that you don’t know. Instead, show them how to find the answer.

There are several times that my boys have asked me a question and I’ve said, “You know, buddy, that’s a great questions and I’m not sure what the answer is, but let’s find out together!”

Not only do you teach them that it’s okay to not know everything, but you’re also spending time with your child, and giving them the tools to educate themselves in the future.

It’s okay.

Don’t over-react, let them see that everyone makes mistakes.

Our children need to know that we’re not perfect. You know, I’ve suffered from perfectionism for most of my life and it wasn’t until the last few years that I’ve been able to shake it.

We don’t want our children to think that life has to be all or nothing. That they either are first place or last place. That if they mess up once, then they can’t ever come back from them.

And we can start teaching that truth by admitting when we’ve made a mistake ourselves.

You see, fake perfection doesn’t help anyone, but being vulnerable does. If we don’t admit when we’ve done something wrong, we run the risk of becoming unapproachable when our children inevitably mess up themselves.

But if your children see you mess up, admit it, apologize, and then do better, they see that they can do the same thing.

If your child messes up, give them what God has given you: forgiveness. Model it, embrace God’s grace, and then walk together with your child to become more like Jesus everyday.

Tell me more…

One of the best things you can say to your child is…nothing.

When we stop talking, we can start listening and encouraging our kids to talk to us. Sometimes, I’ve had to fight the urge to answer quickly and instead, let my children finish telling me what they want to share.

Word Your Child Wants to Hear | #wordsyouchildwantstohear #christianmom #thegracefullife

I’ve found when I ask directed questions, I can help them come up with a solution that they take ownership of. If you can help your child come up with the right answer on his own, he’ll be more likely to follow it.

In addition to all that, saying things like “tell me more…” let’s your child know that what they have to say is important. You’re letting them know that they’re being heard. That their voice matters.

Loving Your Kids Enough to Introduce Them to Jesus

The best thing you can do for your kids is to show them the love of Jesus. In everything you say, work to point them to Him.

Need some help?

Check out Raising World Changers! This is your guide for biblical motherhood and parenting with purpose.

This program is for you if you want to:

  • be a great mom, but don’t have the time to come up with a plan
  • foster a love for God in the hearts of your children
  • pray more and raise children who love to pray
  • parent with purpose and not just wing it
  • have real conversations with your kids

It’s a self-paced program that you can access online or via the app. You’ll get instant access to a workbook, audio lessons that you can listen to anytime and a step by step guide to helping your children know and love God’s Word!

Pick it up today in the The Graceful Life shop!

Words Your Child Wants to Hear | AshleyVarner.com #christianmom #godlyparenting
Words Your Child Wants to Hear | AshleyVarner.com #christianmom #godlyparenting
Words Your Child Wants to Hear #ChristianMoms #WordsYourChildWantsToHear