Are you unconsciously sabotaging your success? Today, I’m sharing 10 habits that may be derailing you from achieving your dreams. I’m breaking these habits down into 3 categories: mindset, actions, and money.

Resources Mentioned:

Renew180 (formerly 180Confidence): https://ashleyvarner.com/mastermind
The Mindset Reset: https://ashleyvarner.com/mindset

Transcript:

Welcome back to The Renewed Mind.

Today we’re going to talk all about things that you might be doing that you don’t even realize are sabotaging your success. Let’s jump right in.

So welcome back to The Renewed Mind, I am your host, Ashley Varner and today I want to talk to you about some habits that you might have happening in your life, maybe you don’t realize it that are sabotaging your success.

And so I’ve kind of broken these down into three categories. The first is mindset, the second is actually taking action and the third has to do with money.

Mindset Habits

So let’s just jump right into some things that you might be doing in regards to your mindset that are sabotaging your success. The first area of mindset that I see a lot in my clients, whenever they’re striving for more success, they’re striving to meet their goals, but they just seem to sabotage themselves and that is the mindset that negative reinforcement is a catalyst for change. So what do I mean by that?

So often we attach negative reinforcement in the hopes that it will change our actions. Anytime you’re coming from a negative place in the hopes of creating change in your life, that is going to have some negative effects, you’re going to end up self-sabotaging because anytime you’re taking action, that action derives from an emotion and that emotion comes from a thought. And so if you are constantly feeding yourself negative thoughts that are leading to negative emotions like guilt or insecurity, and then you’re hoping that your actions are gonna be positive, stemming from those negative emotions, that’s not how it works.

So what I see and what I teach my clients is instead of trying to force yourself to have positive actions around a negative emotion, I work with them to come up with thoughts that lead to positive emotions and then lead to positive actions just naturally. Because whenever you allow your actions to just organically come from positive emotions, that’s whenever you start seeing the results that you really wanna see.

The next area where I see people sabotaging themselves is not investing in their own growth. There are tons of studies that show that people who are successful continue their education beyond just high school or college. And by continuing education, I don’t necessarily mean getting tons of degrees or certifications, what I mean is taking time to read books and listen to podcasts, watching videos that are informative and really gaining wisdom from the people around you, who are where you want to be.

So if you want to be successful and you’re not reading books from successful entrepreneurs, or you’re not reading books from successful people in your field, you’re not really investing in your own growth. And that can be something that really pushes you away from success.

So make sure that you are investing in your own personal growth, that education can come in the form of being part of a mastermind like 180 Confidence or signing up for an online course, whatever it is, I want you to be intentional about investing in your personal growth and until you change your mindset, that it really is an investment, you’re going to sabotage your success.

The next area that I see women sabotaging their success in regards to mindset is living in the past. Ephesians 4:22 says, “Put off the old self, “which belongs to your former way of life.” So Paul was talking about the sinful nature and those sinful desires that come with our flesh that we put off, that we take off of us so that we can put on God’s righteousness.

And so often I see women and see this problem translate into their business success or their relationship success, because they’re not taking off that old self. They’re not choosing to let go of their past so that they can walk in their future. And that happens a lot whenever you are feeling insecure, because you think about your past, you think about that person you used to be, and then you allow that past to cause you to procrastinate or cause you to not to take action at all.

Whenever you let go of that former way of life, you start to walk in your identity as a daughter of God, you start to walk in your identity of who you are in Christ, and then that propels you to the success that is God defined.

Another area that I see women sabotaging themselves is by blaming others versus taking responsibility for themselves. So whenever you are constantly blaming other people or constantly blaming your circumstances for the way that you feel, you are going to sabotage any kind of success that you could hope to have. Whenever we start taking responsibility for our actions, for our emotions and for our thoughts, that’s whenever we start to see success.

I want you to get into the mindset that your circumstances do not determine your emotions. I know it’s kind of out there thinking, but really it’s true, your circumstances do not impact your feelings as much as you think they do. Your circumstances are just situations, non-emotional things out there happening in the world that you attach thoughts to. And so whenever you decide to change your thinking around those circumstances, that’s whenever your emotions start to change. So I really want you to stop blaming the circumstances around you for your emotions, and instead, start taking responsibility and taking your thoughts captive that starts with being aware of your thoughts, and then working to change those thoughts into thoughts that are helpful and godly and really centered around what the Bible says.

The last area in terms of mindset is not asking yourself questions. So there is an entire podcast about asking yourself questions. And if you guys are interested in hearing more about that, make sure to leave a comment below so that I can create a video all about asking questions.

But what it really boils down to, is asking yourself questions instead of giving yourself statements. So instead of telling yourself, I can’t do this, ask yourself, how can I make this happen?

Instead of saying, there’s no way I could ever forgive this person, ask yourself, how can I change my thinking so that I’m more likely to forgive this person. Whenever you start asking your brain questions, it goes into overdrive to answer those questions.

And so if you are feeling one that I hear a lot from my clients is I can’t afford that. And instead of saying, I can’t afford that, which it makes it really easy on your brain, right? Your brain just shuts off and accepts that as truth. But if you ask yourself and ask your brain, how can I afford that? Or even the question, do I want to afford that? Because as you start asking your brain questions, your brain goes into overdrive to come up with solutions, to the answers that you actually want.

So, so often what we’re doing is we’re telling our brain things that are not really aligned with what we really want. And so if you start asking your brain questions, it will go into overdrive to find solutions.

Action Habits

The next area where I find women, especially self-sabotage is in the area of taking action.

You can plan all that you want, but until you take action, you aren’t going to see the results that you want. So one of these ideas is waiting for someday, thinking tomorrow I’ll start, next Monday I’ll start, next year I’ll start or really just allowing yourself to not take responsibility right now.

So if every day I thought I’m going to create a video tomorrow or next week would be better for me to create this video, it wouldn’t happen. So I have to say, I’m gonna do it now, I’m gonna record now and then I can put out what God has placed into my heart, out into the world.

Another area, and this really can kind of link to waiting for someday, is procrastinating. Now Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant “at the time, but painful, later on, however, “it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace “for those who have been trained by it.” So procrastination is just the opposite of discipline.

So if you want to have more success in your life, start with discipline, start saying, “okay, I’m gonna accomplish the things that I’ve laid out to accomplish,” make a to-do list for yourself and then follow through on that to-do list.

Don’t let today go by without doing the things that you know that God has placed on your heart. And the Bible says that God gives us what we need. He gives us the mercies that are new every morning.

And so he has given you the time and the abilities to do what he’s called you to do today and so he has given you the time that you need to do that today.

And the last area in terms of taking action and this is one that I struggled with personally, and that is hanging on to perfection.

None of us are perfect, and so if you are striving for perfection, what that ends up doing is stopping you and halting you for making any kind of progress at all.

If you let go of perfection and say, I am going to go forward and keep going and keep persevering, you are going to see more success in your life. So women who are hanging on to perfection are really sabotaging themselves because what they’re doing, they’re saying, unless I can be perfect, which is not possible, by the way, they’re saying, unless I can be perfect, I’m not gonna do it at all.

And what that does is it stops them from any kind of walking forward, any kind of progress they could possibly have.

Money Habits

The last area that I tend to see women have habits in that are self-sabotaging, especially in the areas of success and these habits all centered around money. So the last three that I have for you today are all about money.

The first is ignoring your money. So often we bury our heads in the sand, we don’t wanna look at our financial situation, we wanna leave it to the people around us or our husbands or whoever, we don’t wanna take personal responsibility for where our finances are.

And this first area of self sabotage is really just ignoring your finances altogether and not being aware of where your money is, where it’s going, how much is coming in, and it’s so important to pay attention to your money. So whenever you are paying attention to where your money is coming from, where your money is going out, then you can start to make changes.

But for women who are ignoring their money completely, it is sabotaging their success, so don’t be afraid of money. Don’t be afraid to know your financial situation. Don’t be afraid to create a will for yourself or start investing because whenever you take responsibility for your finances, you can start to see them grow, you can start to see them being used more wisely in your life.

Another area in regards to money that I see that sabotages women especially, is seeing the money and thinking of money as bad. Now we’ve heard that verse that talks about how the love of money is the root of all evil.

And so I definitely am not talking about loving money more than people or more than your purpose, but what I am talking about is seeing money as a tool. So I once heard a preacher come in and he was talking about money and he said something that stuck in my mind so strongly that I began to live my life by it. And he said, “Money in your heart is poison, “but money in your hand is a tool.”

This is so important for us to be paying attention to and to have this mindset, because I don’t want to love money, I don’t wanna put money above the people in my life or above the calling in my life, by the Lord, but money is a tool.

And so whenever you start seeing your money, the money that God has given you, the money God has made you a steward of, once you start seeing that money as a tool, you can start using it to grow your success, to grow God’s kingdom.

And if you are constantly thinking of money as bad, what you’re doing is repelling it from your life. And it can definitely be a tool to reach people for Christ.

It can be a tool to help you reach your goals, to help other people who are in need. I love the idea of making money that I can give to other people so that I could pay off somebody’s house one day. So if I see someone who needs a car, I can go and purchase it for them. In that regards, money is a tool. It’s not in my heart, I’m not putting that money and harboring it in my heart, instead, I’m leaving it in my open hand so that I can be generous to the people around me. And so I really want to make sure that whenever I am being a good steward of what God has given me, then I can give that out to other people.

That is what money can do, it can be a tool. So whenever we start changing our mindset around money, and instead of seeing it as evil, we see it as a tool, not something that controls us, but something that we control, we can start seeing success. So if you were constantly seeing money as evil, realize that that’s just gonna sabotage any kind of success that you are hoping to have.

Now, the last area that I see women sabotaging themselves in regards to money is buying things with the wrong motivation. So Luke 12:15 says, “A man’s life does not consist “in the abundance of his possessions.”

So I want you to realize that the things in your life don’t define you, the things in your life are blessings. I’m not saying you shouldn’t shop or have things, but realize that they don’t define who you are. And one mindset that really changed my life in this regard was thinking about the reason I was spending my money.

The emotion that drives you to spend the money on something is also going to be the emotion that you experience whenever you are using that item. So if you see a purse and your motivation for buying that purse is showing it off, or you are purchasing it because you feel envious that you see someone else who has that same particular purse, realize that every time you use that purse, that same emotion is going to come up.

You are going to remember the reason that you purchased it, and then you’re not going to be able to enjoy it. Now, if you see a purse that you like, and you are excited to get it, every time you use it, if you purchased it with the right motivation of just bringing joy into your life, or just enjoying some of what you have, then that is how you are going to experience it whenever you use it.

If someone has given you something that you really appreciate and enjoy and love, then you are going to experience those same emotions every time you use it. If you are purchasing something out of insecurity or out of comparison, which is one that I see a lot, then realize every time you use that item, you are going to be remembering what motivated you to purchase it in the first place.

Think about the reason why you’re purchasing the things that are in your life, and then choose to change your thoughts around those things, that you purchase so that you can have better emotions and experience better emotions about it, and really taking action from a good place. So those are the areas that I see the most of women who are self sabotaging their success. It’s not about how much money you have, it’s not about the types of goals that you set, but it’s really about your mindset and those parameters that you place around your thinking, that are going to change your emotions and then your actions so that you can actually see the success and the results that you wanna see.

I hope that you guys enjoyed this video. It was so great to make because I was taking from things that my clients have really experienced and helping you. And if you are interested in more work like this and want to work with me, I want you to know that 180 Confidence is available for you. It’s a six month mastermind that you can apply for. I really kind of pick and choose who can be in this mastermind because I wanna make sure that you’re willing to invest in yourself and that I build a community of women who are interested in growing God’s way.

If you’re interested in that, make sure to go to ashleyvarner.com/180, you can jump on the wait list or apply, and I will see you in there. I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your week and I will see you next time.

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