When you base your confidence on yourself, you are sure to be disappointed at some point. Learn these tips to base your confidence on Someone who will NEVER waver – the Lord and His love for you.

Podcast:

Interview Transcript

Ashley Varner:

Well ladies, welcome back to the Graceful Life Podcast. Today. I have the privilege of speaking with Stephanie Miller. She is the author of the Butterfly Blueprint. Stephanie, welcome to the podcast today.

Stephanie Miller:

Hi Ashley. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to be here.

Ashley:

I’m really excited to talk about this topic of confidence. It’s something that I share a lot about on my site, and I would love to just pick your brain about that. And before we get started on that topic, why don’t you tell the audience just a little bit about yourself and how you came to know the Lord?

Stephanie:

Sure, absolutely. So my name is Stephanie. I am a personal and spiritual growth coach, and author, and a speaker. My coaching ministry is called Butterfly Beginnings. 

I really work with women who feel stuck. Maybe they feel like they’ve been going through the motions, but they’re not feeling that deep connection with God or that they have walked through a transition, a hard time, usually something that we did not all see coming and something that they need to be able to hold onto the hope that they have in Christ. 

That largely comes from my own salvation story, but really going through a time when I felt alone. I felt abandoned. I felt rejected. Sending back from my childhood. 

I grew up in a dysfunctional alcoholic household. So there was a lot of uncertainty, a lot of turmoil, insecurity, and instability. And I, up until my mid-twenties was searching, searching, searching to fill that void, to fill that space, to fill that emptiness that I had.

And it wasn’t until I had a coworker, who actually took me to a Christian music concert, where Chris Tomlin was performing. That the atmosphere, the ambiance, that God was like, it’s time, something is missing and you’re searching for something and here I am. 

And I can just close my eyes and go right back to that moment. And it was just such a transformative moment where I was, I was done. I was done trying to fill myself with what the world told me I could satisfy. And I could use that for instant gratification. And instead, I was ready and I just surrendered my life over to Christ from that point. 

I wish I could say that it was smooth sailing from there, but it wasn’t, you know, I had a lot of bumps and I had a lot of things in the road, but I think that saving grace between all of that is just that each storm. And each thing that we go through has the opportunity to increase our faith and to grow our relationship with God. 

And I do talk a lot about that in my book, the Butterfly Blueprint as well, but really just using where God got a hold of your heart as a call to action. We are not changed and we are not transformed. And we are not given the Holy Spirit, just to do whatever we want. Right? It’s this idea that we are given the Holy Spirit, share about Him, to share about His goodness, and to bring Him glory through our story and through our testimony.

Ashley:

It’s so important to remember what the world gives is nothing compared to the joy and the peace that comes from the Lord.

And you’ve talked a little bit about your book. Tell us about your ministry, about your family.

Stephanie:

Like I said, the ministry is a Butterfly Beginnings. It is, um, a life coaching ministry that also stems from a very dark point in my life, where I had moved away from family and friends. I was newly married. I left my job. And I had kind of, even what I mentioned in the book, this cocoon phase where I felt isolated, I felt suffocated. I felt alone. And from that, God really birthed something beautiful, just like He does with a caterpillar to a butterfly. 

He really birthed something beautiful and showed me that each piece and each part of the puzzle of my story was to be used to share about His goodness and to share about His love with others. 

And I also am a mom. I’m a mom to two young kids. I have two under the age of three, although my oldest is going to be three soon. So soon. I can’t say that. Um, I have a, almost-three-year-old girl and then a 14-month-old boy. 

I am actually a military wife as well. So as a military wife, I’ve been married for six years. We do move around and travel a lot. And uh, we have been stationed in the beautiful state of Colorado here for a few years and we’re from the Midwest originally. So we’re super excited to get out here and enjoy the mountains and the sun. Cause there’s one thing that’s different about Colorado winter than Midwest winter is that you see the sun in the wintertime and we just had a snow storm today, but the, or yesterday, but the sun is shining and life is good. As long as there’s sunshine and not in darkness and dark clouds. And we’ll, we’ll stay here for as long as we can.

Ashley:

I was born and raised in Colorado and it’s, we love living here. Same things. 

Let’s talk a little bit about this topic of confidence. I know that there are tons of self-help books out there that talk about confidence. And the biggest thing that I talk about is like, look inside you for this competence and look inward. And I know just from reading some of your stuff, that that is not the avenue that you take. And I love that because it all has to stem from this idea of having Holy confidence, having this Godly confidence. Tell us a little bit about the difference between Holy confidence versus self-confidence that the world talks about.

Stephanie:

Holy confidence is really the confidence that we have from our right relationship with God and from our identity in Christ.

And once you have not only realized and recognized who you are in Christ and what that means, but you’re able to live that out and walk that out practically in your life, that, and of itself, it transforms you, you are bolder, you are courageous. You are able to step into things that you are maybe uncertain of or unsure of, but you have this unwavering faith and this unwavering hope that you’re able to, to press on and to continue, continue through hard times knowing that God God’s got you, God’s got your back. And from that confidence, you are led into different areas of your life and different things that you may not have thought that you were able or capable or qualified to get into.

But the Holy confidence, really comes from this idea that the Holy spirit is inside of us, that God is working in us and God is working through us and we are able to do anything and all things through Him. The word even says that apart from Him we can do nothing. So we are connected with Him so we can continue to do His good work and His will for our life as He has called us to. 

Self-confidence on the other hand, really looks at a me mentality. We’re looking at kind of, I got this, I know what I’m doing. I’m self-assured, I’m confident. It’s, it’s working in our own strength. And I have fallen victim to this before several times, but you are going to fall short and you are going to stop the potential that God has for you. 

If you’re not able to lean into His strength and His confidence, the word also says that we are able to do all things through Him who gives us strength and who gives us confidence and hope. And so it’s really a matter of knowing that no matter what happens, no matter what life throws at you, that you are, God’s chosen daughter or son, and that He loves you and nothing can separate you from Him. 

So once you walk fully and freely in that identity of knowing that you are His, and He has sealed you with a promise. That gives me goosebumps, I love that. And once you’ve sealed, He sealed you with that promise that you are free to be who He has called you to be.

Ashley:

For Christians, who we want to be. Everything that God has called us to be. It’s easy to fall into that mindset trap of self-confidence. 

Now, when I look back, all I can picture is a rollercoaster. So it’s like, well, if I had a good day that day, then I was feeling confident. If I didn’t, if I didn’t hold up to everything that I expected of myself, then my confidence drops. And that’s a huge difference. I see. 

Once I talk with a women and teach them how to experience their identity in Christ, because instead of this, up and down and rollercoaster, now it’s this even confidence because it’s based on Him and not us.

Stephanie:

Yes, absolutely. And the world’s approval and what we are looking for that validation. I think that’s a huge, you had a huge point knowing that we are validated and we are worthy. Not because other people are telling us all these good things to boost our confidence, but because we can allow our confidence in Christ to rule out all of these needs for this validation and this am I on the right track from other sources other than the Heavenly Father ourselves.

Ashley:

Yeah. I think that validation is huge. 

So one of the things that I saw on your site that I really loved was you talked your readers through the Proverbs 31 woman. And we know that verse that talks about how her husband has full confidence in her. And I think one thing that really stuck out to me from that article that you wrote was that sometimes we see this Proverbs 31 woman as this unattainable, like perfect picture. And we almost like resent her a little bit, like she has it all together. 

But in your writing, you said, let’s just get rid of that idea that that’s unattainable. Tell me a little bit about how that kind of confidence is possible for every woman who believes in the Lord.

Stephanie:

When we start to focus on all of the list of things that this Proverbs 31 does, you know, she wakes up early, she works with her hands. She, she has all of these lists. And if we start to put all of our attention and all of our effort and all of our energy into achieving those specific things, we are going to feel overwhelmed. We’re going to feel stressed out. We’re going to feel like this is too much. I cannot do it. 

But if instead we place all of our energy and all of our effort, attention, and time into our relationship with God and into growing in Him, that this idea of being able to tend to your children and have, have a healthy household and housework and everything like that, that kind of comes as a result of that. 

And I think the end of the verse or the end of the, um, 31 Proverbs talks about verse 30, where she has the fear of the Lord. And that right there is the nail on the head. When you have the fear of the Lord, when you have the awe of God.  

When you can see Him for who He is and not for what He can do for you or how He can help you. But to just dive into that relationship with Him and to just sit curled up in His lap. And if it’s cold outside with a hot cup of tea and just let them, let Him hold you. But to see that and to let Him carry you. 

That’s where we get all of that strength and all of that that we need in order to have this energy that allows us to be that infamous Proverbs 31 woman who seemingly has it all together. 

So she does not have it together apart from God. She only has it because she has the fear of the Lord.

Ashley:

So good. Once we get into that shift of, I’m not trying to get this validation from the Lord, like already have it, I’m worthy just because of, because he is worthy and he’s in me, it’s nothing that I have to do on my own. I think that that is great. 

A big part of this podcast is talking about the practical ways that the Bible fits into our daily life and how it’s not just about what we read on the page, but actually how it applies. So can you tell me some ways that this Holy confidence shows up in daily and practical living?

Stephanie:

Yes, absolutely. So I am also a big fan of being able to live out and apply practically what we read. It’s one thing to read it and say, Oh, that sounds good. But it’s another thing to be able to live it out and apply it to our life and this idea of Holy confidence. And I think I alluded to it a little bit before, but we are able to step into the places and the areas that God is telling us to step into.

And we might be a little fearful and there’s, we are allowed to have a little bit of fear and a little bit uncertainty because we don’t like the unknown and we really want control. But when we have this Holy confidence, we are able to surrender that over and say, okay, Lord, not my will, but your will and your way. And so it’s really this idea of a step by step, being able to place all of your trust and all of your faith in God to lead you and direct you and guide you.

When one of the major barriers we come up against just with the world and society and the culture is social media. So social media and comparison is a huge thing that is constantly trying to bring us down and bring us back and bring us away from living in this Holy confidence and what encouragement that I have.

And one way to not allow social media to kind of get in your head is to just know that God is the author of your story. God has written your story, and God has appointed you for everything that you are in every season that you are in. And the seasons past that you have been in for a time and for a purpose. So nothing that we go through is in vain. God is a Redeemer and he is a reconciler and he will redeem and reconcile all situations and all circumstances.

So again, when we’re able to keep our eyes, I don’t want to say we have these blinders on, but we have our eyes on the prize, right? Like we are focused on what God has for us. And we have this assurance and we have this confidence that we can hold on to because we know that no matter what happens, we are still God’s daughter or son, and we are still chosen and loved. And he still has promised us in eternity.

So sometimes it’s really a matter of taking yourself out of the details of a small problem that the world is giving you, but able to kind of zoom out and see the bigger picture. And you might not be able to see God’s hand in it directly. A lot of times we don’t know what he’s doing behind the scenes, but again, it’s having that trust and having that hope and having that faith, that whatever that He’s working on and whatever that’s happening is going to be greater and it’s going to be better. And it’s going to serve a greater purpose.

Ashley:

It’s clear that you have so much more, that you could share about this, and that’s probably why you wrote the entire book, but I want to just give you an opportunity to tell the ladies who are listening, how they can go deeper in this. If this is something they really struggle with, what are some next steps they could take with you to get some of that coaching? I know that Christian life coaching is kind of new right now. And a lot of people aren’t familiar with it, but it’s definitely something that is beneficial and helpful. So tell us a little bit about how they can work with you in the future.

Stephanie:

So my coaching ministry is Butterfly Beginnings. So the website is www dot butterfly, beginnings.net. And from there you can contact me. You can look at past Bible studies that I’ve done, and you could also look at a super helpful informational part where it talks about what life coaching is, what spiritual growth coaching is, what personal growth coaching is. And it’s probably a lot different than some people would think. 

I liken it as to having a big ball of yarn and just needing someone to help you unravel your thoughts as that ball of yarn. So I am here and I am ready and I am excited to work with you. We could go through my book, the Butterfly Blueprint, how to renew your mind and grow your faith. 

So I would say check out the website, definitely connect with the book. You can get a free discussion guide that helps you to dig deeper with more reflection questions, and more journaling questions, um, with a companion for that book. 

So I am all about helping you dig deeper and to grow more and your relationship with God. And as a final thing, it might be comforting. It might not, but you will learn how to be comfortable navigating the uncomfortable. So just as an encouragement there, definitely check out butterfly beginnings.net for more information.

Ashley:

Yeah. And I’ll make sure to leave the links to both your book and the website in the show notes. And thank you, Stephanie, for being here and for sharing your heart with us.

Stephanie:

Thank you so much, Ashley. It has been an honor and a privilege.

Resources Mentioned:

Stephanie’s Site: https://butterflybeginnings.net
Stephanie’s Book, Butterfly Blueprint: https://amzn.to/35oRbsG

If you are looking for a Bible study on confidence, check out Walking in Confidence it is a 21 Day Transformational Journey that will take your low-self esteem and transform it into unshakeable confidence.

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