Unmet Needs | Ashley Varner

Unmet Needs

Do you ever feel like your emotional needs aren’t being met? If so, then this episode is you!

Today, we’re talking about unmet needs.

Resources Mentioned:

Emotions Worksheet (Free): https://ashleyvarner.com/free
Unstable Emotions Episode: https://ashleyvarner.com/unstable-emotions 
Thoughts Matter Episode: https://ashleyvarner.com/thoughts
Walking in Confidence Bible Study: https://ashleyvarner.com/confidence 
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: https://amzn.to/3nqe7PC

Highlights from the Episode:

Before we get started, I just want to be clear that when I talk about unmet needs in a marriage, I’m not talking about abuse or neglect, what I’m talking about are those things like, you were expecting a birthday party and your spouse didn’t throw you one. Or they didn’t stay up to talk to you after a long
day at work.

If you are in an unhealthy marriage, please speak with your pastor or another maturer Christian who can guide you in counsel.

When Your Emotional Needs Aren’t Met

The first step is to realize that the phrase, “I’m feeling like my emotional needs weren’t being met” is not a feeling.

Dealing with Unmet Needs in Relationships | The Renewed Mind Podcast

Remember, feelings are one word emotions. So the phrase, “I’m feeling like my emotional needs aren’t being met” is actually a thought.

So what is the real emotion you’re feeling? What is the real emotion here? Is it:

  • Undervalued
  • Unheard
  • Unloved
  • Rejected

Now, if we want to change those emotions, then we need to change our thinking. And we know that we are 100% able to do that by taking our thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ.

How Your Expectations Affect Your Thought Life

So, we’ve figured what emotion you’re actually feeling and I want you to go a bit further into why you’re thinking that your needs aren’t being met.

Unmet emotional needs are really unmet expectations.

So if you are thinking that your emotional needs aren’t met, I want you to ask: Did I have a particular expectation or thought that leads me to feel this way?

In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman talks a lot about emotional tanks.

If you have an expectation that someone is going to fill your emotional tank and they don’t, that leads to you feeling some of the emotions that we talked about earlier.

But, what if the other person didn’t know the expectation?

That’s when communication comes into play. So instead of thinking, “My emotional needs aren’t being met.” You can think instead, “How can I relay my emotional needs in a better way.”

Now, I know there are times when you’ve shared your emotional needs and your spouse still doesn’t meet those needs.

Dealing with Unmet Needs in Relationships | The Renewed Mind Podcast

In that case, I want to read to you something Paul told the church in Phillipi, he said, “My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:19)

My God Will Meet All Your Needs

When Paul said that God will meet all your needs according to His riches and glory, that’s not just limited to physical needs.

But I want you to remember that there may be some desires or wants that aren’t God’s will for you. As you spend more time with Him, He’ll bring your desires inline with what His Word says.

I remember having a ton of work to do at the office and my 2 year old isn’t a fan of sleeping at the office. But God knew what I needed and that day, much to my surprise, he laid down and went to sleep with no problems.

God is the only one who can truly meet our emotional needs. Sure, we can get needs met in healthy marriages, families, and friendships, but ultimately, God is the only One who knows what you truly need and is able to always give it to you.

So when you think your needs haven’t been met, when you feel undervalued or unloved, take those emotions to Him and let Him comfort you and grow you through the experience.

Being confident in who you are in Christ makes a big difference in your expectations of other people. You begin to rely on Jesus to comfort you instead of expecting your husband to. You begin to confide in Jesus about your problems instead of gossiping to all your friends.

I want to encourage you to sign up for my 21 day Bible Study called “Walking in Confidence” each day for 21 days, I walk you through one facet of who you are in Christ.

It’s that confidence that will encourage us when our emotional tanks feel empty.

ready to be renewed?

- Ashley Varner

it’s my goal to reach every Christian mom with the truth that God wants to transform their life by renewing their mind.

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