What to Do When You Feel Unappreciated | Ashley Varner

What to Do When You Feel Unappreciated

It can be discouraging when you serve and don’t feel appreciated for what you do. When no one says “thank you” or “good job.”

Resources Mentioned:

The Mindset Reset: https://ashleyvarner.com/mindsetreset
Truth Journaling PDF: Free Resources

Highlights from the Episode

Have you ever given everything that you had and still felt unappreciated by the people around you? If that’s the case, then this is for you. I am going to be sharing about what to do when you feel unappreciated. 

This is something that can affect the best of us, especially for viewers of my YouTube channel and to my subscribers, I know that you guys are go-getters, that you guys care about doing your best and really living with excellence and it can be really frustrating and really kind of demoralizing whenever you are doing your best and it just doesn’t seem like you’re being appreciated by the people around you. 

This is something that we all kind of struggle with, I think. I want to give you some tips on how to handle your feelings of being unappreciated. And really, I want to start by saying that, remember that every feeling that you have, every emotion that is in your body is coming from a thought. So often we think that our circumstance is what is affecting our emotions. 

If you have a boss that is not valuing you, then it makes you feel unappreciated. If you are in a volunteer position and it doesn’t seem like there’s any kind of positive feedback that’s coming back, sometimes it can make you feel unappreciated.

But remember that there’s a piece in the middle there, and that is your thoughts. Your circumstances alone do not directly impact the emotions that you are feeling. That can kind of be an idea but if you have been watching this channel for very long, then you know that all of our thoughts can be taken captive. 

A thought is just a sentence in your mind. It’s a belief that you have, and you can choose to believe and think whatever you want. 

As Christians, though we have given God the right, we have surrendered our lives to Him, and we’ve given him the authority to tell us how we’re supposed to live, how we’re supposed to think, and really those thoughts are what drive our emotions. 

Now, whenever you are maybe serving in a position or you are a leader of a corporation or you’re in a business setting and you are feeling unappreciated, there are a couple of new thoughts that I want to teach you to have so that you can let go of those emotions of being unappreciated and just know that there’s no judgment in this. 

You have to work through the emotions that you are experiencing. And whenever you take time to go through the emotions and actually feel the emotion, it takes its power away. 

Whenever you realize, “Hey, I can handle feeling unappreciated.” And really an emotion is a sensation in your body. Remember, that’s why we call them feelings, right? Because they’re actual physical feelings in our bodies. 

Truth Journaling PDF: Free Resources

And so, if you are feeling unappreciated, sit down with that emotion first and decide, how does it feel in your body? Certain emotions might bring up physical sensations in your body. If you are anxious, you might have a pit in the middle of your stomach. You might feel your jaw tightening up whenever you’re angry. So sit down with the emotion and actually experience it in your body. 

After you’ve done that, I want you to sit down and think about the thoughts that are driving that emotion. And we’re gonna work on taking those thoughts captive and replacing them with thoughts from God’s word.

Colossians 3:23

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working FOR THE LORD, and not for men.” The next verse goes on to say, “Because you know you’ll receive an inheritance from the Lord as your reward, it is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

Colossians 3:23

Let’s start with the idea that we are working for the Lord and not for men. This comes from Colossians 3:23. And anytime that you’re feeling unappreciated, this is definitely a thought that you can switch out. 

So if you are feeling like your boss or your employees, even maybe someone who is above you or a coworker is not appreciating you, what you can do is switch your thinking to say, I know that I’m doing this, I’m working with excellence. I’m giving my best because I’m working as unto the Lord and not to men. 

Whenever you start taking that thought captive and switching it with that verse, what is going to do is give you fresh motivation to do your best. It’s going to give you that sense of accomplishment and motivation, even when no one is saying thank you or good job. 

It’s in those times that we really have to divert our thinking and our focus to the person that we’re really serving and that’s Christ. 

I want you to remember that God sees everything that you do. He sees how you’re trying to live with excellence and give your best. And so whenever you know that you’re working for Him and that He sees you, it can be a great motivator to change your emotions, to feelings of being appreciated, because you know that God is valuing you and appreciates the work that you’re doing.

Isaiah 42:8

“I am the Lord that is my name and I will not give my glory to another.”

Isaiah 42:8

The next thought that I want you to shift whenever you’re feeling unappreciated, is the idea that God should get all the glory. 

Say you’ve worked on a big project and you don’t get the accolades, or even the recognition that should be yours, one thing that you can do to change that feeling of being unappreciated is to remember that God gets all the glory for the good that happens in your life. 

This actually comes from Isaiah 42 and it is the Lord speaking. And he’s saying, I am the Lord. That is my name. And I will not give my glory to another. 

Now, usually, whenever we think of this verse, it makes us think of having idols in our lives. But really God is saying, he’s not gonna share his glory with anyone including us. And so if we are striving to get accolades or to get more glory, and those thoughts are what’s driving our feelings of unappreciation, then what we can do is change those thoughts to say, you know what? 

It’s okay that I didn’t get that accolade. It’s okay that I didn’t get that recognition because I know that God is gonna get the glory for this in my life. 

And really, I think this is a lesson that is really good for us to learn because of what we’re doing is we’re saying, it’s not about me. It’s about the kingdom. It’s about God. 

And whenever He can see that we’re willing to give that glory to him, then he’s willing to entrust us with even more.

1 Timothy 4:12

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”

1 Timothy 4:12

Another thought that you can change whenever you’re feeling unappreciated is that you can set an example for other people, no matter what your age, no matter what your position. And so whenever we feel unappreciated, it can sometimes come from the idea that we’re younger or other people are looking down on us because we have less experience. And really it’s in those times that we can say, instead of feeling unappreciated, I am going to work even harder to be the example. 

Paul talked to Timothy about this, and I think maybe it came from Timothy feeling like he wasn’t being appreciated. Paul tells him this great piece of advice that I think that we can glean from. He says, don’t let anyone look down on you because you’re young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, and in purity. 

So whenever you start to shift your thinking, I’m here to tell you that you can be like Timothy and you can set the example in all of those areas. Whenever you start to do that, you start putting the focus again on the Lord. You start putting the focus on what you can do and the responsibility that you have instead of what you think other people should be doing and maybe aren’t doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Give thanks in all circumstances”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Another area where we can shift our thinking, whenever we’re feeling unappreciated is to remember to give thanks in every circumstance. 

Whenever you feel unappreciated, whenever you’re feeling a sense of having uneasiness, I want you to shift that into gratefulness. Whenever you remain grateful, what that does is it keeps you humble and it reminds you that you’re in a place where you have the opportunity to serve. Whenever you’re being grateful for the things that are happening in your life, you’re grateful that that presentation went well. 

You’re grateful for the job that you have. Maybe you’re grateful for the team you have. It starts to change your thinking so your emotions change. Instead of feeling unappreciated, what happens is you begin to feel grateful because remember every emotion starts as a thought first. 

So we can start to be aware of the thoughts that are causing us to feel unappreciated, and then change those thoughts into thoughts of being grateful and thankful and that naturally is going to lead to new emotions.

Luke 12:7

“Why even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

Luke 12:7

Jesus said, “You are of more value…” 

Now, I really think that whenever we look upward, instead of inward, that it really shifts our focus. So whenever you are thinking inward, and you’re having a lot of emotions inward about how you’re not being appreciated or how people aren’t valuing you, if you look upward instead, it’s going to shift everything for you and your perspective changes into one that really serves you better I think. 

So the last mindset shift that I wanna share with you is the idea that God values you. 

At the end of the day, this is what’s going to change your perspective from being unappreciated to being appreciated because your worth and the value that you have doesn’t change whether or not someone else sees that value or not. 

We don’t have the ability to change the way that someone else sees us. We don’t have the ability to change the way that maybe someone shows their appreciation for us, but what we do have is the unshakable truth that we have value because of who we are in Christ and because he’s the one that made us. 

In Luke chapter 12 verse seven, Jesus said you are of more value. He was talking to his disciples about how even the hairs on our heads are numbered and how we are worth more than many sparrows. 

Whenever we see that and we see that God values us and He values the work that we’re doing for Him when we see that He appreciates us, just knowing that is enough for me. 

I really hope that as you begin to shift your thinking and really take your thoughts captive, you will begin to feel less and less of those feelings of being unappreciated. Because like I said, we can’t change what other people do, but we can change the way that we respond, the way that we think because we have the power to control our emotions. 

If you’re feeling like you just have no control over your emotions and you’re feeling unappreciated and you just need more of this thought work, then I want to make sure that you know about the mindset reset. 

The Mindset Reset: https://ashleyvarner.com/mindsetreset

It’s a six-week program that I created that really takes you through the process of your circumstances, your thoughts, your emotions, and how those dictate your actions and then your results. So make sure that you check it out. It is really a groundbreaking transformational program. It is all biblically based and I take you through six weeks of teaching and videos to really help you apply these truths to your life. So if you are interested in that, make sure to check it out and I will see you next time.

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- Ashley Varner

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