Do you know someone who is emotionally balanced? Life may throw things at them, but they never seem to get too ruffled. They don’t live a drama-filled life. You don’t see them in the bathroom crying over their horrible weekend. It doesn’t mean they’re super happy all the time, but they aren’t being controlled by their emotions. Instead, THEY control their emotions.
Being an emotionally balanced (or stable) person requires 5 things. And those 5 characteristics are what we’re going to talk about today!
Resources Mentioned:
Walking in Confidence Bible Study: https://ashleyvarner.com/confidence
The Mindset Reset: https://ashleyvarnrer.com/mindset
Free One Word Emotions Guide: https://ashleyvarner.com/free
My YouTube Video “Don’t Believe Everything You Hear” https://youtu.be/siIliuiRfkQ
Brain Evidence Episode: https://ashleyvarner.com/brain-evidence
Thoughts Matter Episode: https://ashleyvarner.com/thoughts
Get Ashley’s ground breaking program The Mindset Reset (https://ashleyvarner.com/mindset). It is a self-paced program made to guide you to taking your thoughts captive and finally control your emotions, so they stop controlling you!
Do you know someone who is emotionally stable? Life may throw things at them, but they never seem to get too ruffled. They don’t live a drama-filled life. You don’t see them in the bathroom crying over their horrible weekend. It doesn’t mean they’re super happy all the time, but they aren’t being controlled by their emotions. Instead, THEY control their emotions.
Highlights from the Episode
Being an emotionally balanced (or stable) person requires 5 things. And those 5 characteristics are what we’re going to talk about today!
Characteristic 1: They are Discerning
This is a characteristic that I’ve been personally working on lately. And it truly can only come from being in the Word of God. When I say someone is discerning, what I mean is that they are able to tell the difference between a truth and a lie. They can attend a church service and listen with a discerning ear.
I don’t want to shock you, but your pastor is a person too. And sometimes they may get things wrong. They’re speaking live and sometimes things don’t come out exactly right. A person with discernment will be able to say, “I don’t agree with that particular statement for this reason.”
They don’t believe everything they hear.
Related: My YouTube Video “Don’t Believe Everything You Hear” https://youtu.be/siIliuiRfkQ
Emotionally stable people can hear a message, or talk to a friend and they don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. They can take what’s good and true and use that wisdom, and throw out the lies.
When we’re talking about discernment, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring up the biggest area where we need discernment and that is in our thought life.
If you want to get off the emotional roller coaster, then you need to start being discerning with what you are thinking. You have to be able to tell the difference between a healthy thought and a thought that doesn’t serve you.
Characteristic 2: They are Accepting
Emotionally balanced people don’t force others to change.
An example of this is actually the Christian community. For many years, well-meaning Christians went to places to pass out tracks and preach on street corners. They did it with a good intention, but not only did it have a very low result, but it actually gave Christians a negative image.
What we see now is that accepting someone and loving them, inviting them into your home, building a relationships and sharing your faith through your life is a much more authentic way to lead someone to Christ.
Now, I want to be clear here that accepting someone doesn’t mean we must condone what the other person is doing.
It means realizing that everyone is different and comes to a knowledge of Christ in a different way. Showing the love of Christ is the only way to truly reach people. Think of Jesus. He didn’t require people to repent before going to their house. He went first, then when they saw His love and compassion, they choose to change on their own.
So let’s look at how this shows up in our thoughts and emotions.
Think of a friend who has a different political view that you do. A person who doesn’t have control over their emotions will fight and argue about current events. They may even break off the friendship due to a difference in opinion. An emotionally stable person can accept that their friends point of view is different than their own. It doesn’t have to effect the friendship.
So often, we get mixed up and think that accepting the fact that they have a different opinion mean you have to agree with that opinion. That’s completely untrue.
Last year, a lot of riots were happening. What we saw were people damaging property and hurting other people because of a difference in opinion and beliefs.
Emotionally balanced people understand that true change (whether political or leading people to salvation) comes from accepting the other person as they are, building a relationship, sharing ideas and conversation. Not in trying to force other people to believe the way you do. Let your life do the talking.
I wanted to mention here really quick that I think people get upset when approached with different opinions because they think it’s an attack on what they believe. Be careful not to respond on the defensive. Be confident enough in your stance that you don’t feel threatened when someone else disagrees. Your identity can be separate from your particular political stance.
Characteristic 3: They are Trusting
Emotionally stable people trust that God has a plan that is good and loving, no matter what the circumstances may be.
I know this is easier said than done. It takes time and it takes time in God’s Word. The more we know the Lord, the easier it is to trust Him. As you spend time in His Word, you begin to see how He is always faithful.
Remember when we talked about brain evidence?
The same is true with the Bible. As you continue to read it and get it deep into your heart, you start looking around your world for evidence of what you believe. You start to see all the ways where God is faithful to you.
Related: Brain Evidence Podcast Episode https://ashleyvarner.com/brain-evidence
Emotionally stable people also trust themselves and their decision making process.
Making quick decisions is a skill I’ve been building over the years. When my husband and I decided to become foster parents, we knew God wanted us to pursue that calling. We ended up making the decision in less than a week.
Emotionally stable people have their own back, even if others won’t agree with their decisions.
We’ve had people say some difficult things to us about our decision. But never once did we waiver from it or regret it. In the end, it was between us and God and because we trusted in Him, our emotions regarding that decision didn’t go crazy.
Characteristic 4: They are Self-Aware
Emotionally stable people are aware of their own thoughts.
This is probably the biggest differentiator between people who are on an emotional roller coaster and people who are emotionally balanced.
The reason is because the way to rein in your emotions is by taking your thoughts captive.
Recently, I had a situation where a family member was taking care of my children. They decided to take the kids to the park without letting me know. They ran a bit late and when I went to pick the kids up, no one was home.
At that point I felt a little upset. I knew that I wasn’t upset because of the situation because remember, our circumstances doesn’t cause our feelings, so I was curious why I was upset.
Related: Thoughts Matter Episode https://ashleyvarner.com/thoughts
I had to be self-aware in that moment.
So, I stepped back and examined my thoughts about the situation.
I literally asked myself, “What thought am I having that’s causing me to feel upset?”
I realized that the thought I had was that they weren’t giving enough respect to my role as the kids’ mother.
What that thought true? No. But even if it was true, my value as a mom isn’t based on how much respect others give me in my motherhood.
So, I realized that thought wasn’t serving me and so I explored other thoughts I could think about the situation instead. I thought about how blessed I am to have people in my life who want to take care of my kids. And more than that people who love my kids and are proactive to engage with them, take them outside, and not just put them in front of the TV. The thought about how much my boys love being outside and how much fun they had.
And those thoughts took away my feelings of being upset.
It takes time and practice, but you can get to the point where you stop in the middle of an emotion and step back to look at it objectively and determine what thought is driving that emotion.
Once you do that, you get control of your emotions back. Instead of your emotions dragging you along, you begin to take back the reins.
Characteristic 5: They are Confident
The last characteristic of an emotionally stable person is that they have God-Confidence.
They know who God says they are.
They know their worth isn’t dictated by what they wear, their salary, how much they weigh, or anything else.
There’s nothing wrong with wearing nice clothes, making changes to your life, getting a better job or working hard to change your body, but do it from a place of love, not insecurity.
Emotionally stable people know their worth comes from one place, and that is the Person who created them.
Think about reproductions of amazing paintings. You can go online right now and buy a Mona Lisa canvas print for $20.99. The real Mona Lisa painting in Paris is worth $860 Million dollars.
What’s the difference?
The difference is in the person who created each of the paintings.
And you are created by a God who saw so much worth in YOU that He paid the ultimate price, the death of His Son, just to have a relationship with you.
That is the truth that we want to build our confidence on!
When I think of confidence, I think back to a song that came out awhile ago called “Good Good Father.”
The chorus says, “You’re a good good Father, It’s who You are. And I’m loved by You, it’s who I am.”
We begin to have real confidence in who we are when we finally acknowledge who God is.
Once you grasp hold of that truth, it takes over your thoughts AND your emotions.
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